My Journey to Fitness

It's been 3 years since I first started working out and something I did regularly.
It's been a little over 2 years since I ran my first mile. I know, that sounds ridiculous but I struggle with asthma. In the fall of 2011 I got really bad bronchitis, I haven't fully recovered. In fact, when I take breathing tests to see how much lung power I have I'm in the yellow, which means.....get help now! So all of the things I had accomplisd were in fact HUGE! And 6 months after that first mile, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. A chronit can't be cured. I believe mine is stress induced. I had so much going on that my body eventually gave out. I started spending lots of time in bed. I couldn't stay awake and I was in pain all over my body from just a normal day's worth of activities. I don't understand. I worked hard to get where I was, and then I was being diagnosed with something that is supposed to stay with me for the rest of my life.

It's hard to swallow. I'm back at zero, but this time, I've got more than I bargained for. I'm not really sure how to do this. I'm not sure how this is going to look. I don't even know if I can always follow through. All I can do is try.

So that's what I'll be doing. Ryan recently signed up with BeachBody. He got Insanity. I really wanted 21 Day Fix. We shall see how it all goes. 

Wish me luck! You can also check back here for more updates on my journey. 

Physical Representation of Christ and the Church: Wives and Husbands

I already know this is going to peeve some people. But this is what is on my heart tonight.

A prelude to my actual blog post:

Two years ago Ryan left for boot camp, and we were only dating then.
It has been a really long two years since this journey began, but it's so beautiful now how everything has worked out, mostly because in a few short months, we will be introducing our beautiful daughter Mia to the world. :) Now, onto a short brag and into what I really want to talk about.

I have to really brag on Ryan because I don't know how he made it, not that he couldn't do it, but that I'm impressed with him and the man he has chosen to become. To me it says a lot about his character and mindset. He was determined to give us something better. He was and still is determined to make our lives easier and better. I'm sad that I know I take advantage of him. I'm sad that some days I can't do all of the things I want to do for him. I'm sad that I feel selfish a lot. I'm sorry if he feels that I am that way. But I really admire him for all he has accomplished. He survived 10 months of Marine Corps boot camp thanks to injuries. He graduated from two (MOS) schools, one as Honor Grad, which means at the top of his class. He got home and immediately found a job. He's constantly trying to save us money and make us money. He works a terrible shift all to make sure I have everything I need. How could I not be proud of him?  

I have to be honest in this. 
Nowadays women seem to fear the word "submission". "Wives submit to your husbands, husbands submit to your wives." I think a lot of people take this way out of context. All of what I have stated above is how I feel about that. Yes, all of me bragging on him is kind of what "submitting to my husband" looks like to me. I'm just as googly-eyed over him as I was 5 years ago. 


Here is what Ephesians 5:22-33 ACTUALLY says: 

²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” ³² This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Nowhere in this passage do I see "WIVES MUST DO EVERYTHING FOR THEIR HUSBANDS AND DON'T GET AN OPINION ON ANYTHING". 

 I love and admire my husband. I long to please and respect him. I love to praise him and talk of all the good things he does for me. I respect his opinion, just as he respects mine. He loves me, I'm almost certain he adores me too. If any of you have seen us together you know that this is true. So why do people take that out of context? Is it a bad thing to submit to your husband? Are we having a power struggle or something? 
I really don't like to always be the one to make the hard decisions. I'm a  Military Wife, I have had my fair share of decision making before we were even married! Do you know how hard it is to make decisions when you can't even speak to that person? I will gladly hand over some rough decisions, along with how I feel, and leave him to make them. I love when he takes some pressure and stress off of me. (Isn't that what happens when we pray to God? I'll get to that point in a moment.)
Do you really believe THAT is what the Bible is trying to convey? (I think you would be crazy to believe that's what God is saying.) That we as wives have no say in anything and we need to answer our husband's beck and call? 

Well, I don't know about any other wives, but I really try to answer my husband's beck and call. I promised my life to this man, and I love and respect him and want to please him just as he wants to do the same for me. I think I will answer his beck and call and submit to his wisdom just as he does the same for me.

Now onto the male perspective. I don't know if you have thought of it this way, but here's what I see when I read the passage directed to our lovely men.


It says that husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the Church. Are you familiar with how Christ loves the Church? I mean, he died for us, forgiving us for our sins. He models for us throughout all of the Gospels, how we need to treat people, and how we ought to be. I never see him striking anyone or condemning anyone, even the thieves who died with him were forgiven and given a place with him in Heaven. I don't know about you ladies, but that's the kind of man I want to be married to. I mean, Jesus is the ultimate husband, and that is not saying anything remotely bad on Ryan. Ryan's love for me has been a physical representation of God's love to me. Isn't that exactly what God calls for husbands to be? I think it is. 

I think that's exactly what God is telling husbands. Be a physical representation of how he loves us. Be the "Man", whatever that's supposed to mean. Be all that you can be to your wives, do all that you can, whatever that may be. Wives do the same. It isn't a bad thing. I want to give everything I have to Ryan. 
I think it's beautiful that I can share a similar relationship with my husband as I do with my Lord. I think Christ and the Church are the perfect example. (for you literalists, Church means people, like you and me, not a building. Church is not a building.) I'm thankful he gives us this reference as a reminder of his love for us. Plus, how awesome is it to be a physical representation of Christ and the Church? 
SCORE ONE FOR HUMANITY! 



So what I'm really saying is...

Get over it. It's a beautiful thing when you realize what it actually means, and stop taking it way out of context. 

Tribute to Dad

Four years ago, I lost my dad. I struggled for a long time and was deeply depressed over losing him. I was never truly at peace and this loss among others wreaked havoc on my soul. But, I know where he is now, and as a tribute to Father's Day weekend I thought I would share about my last encounter with him. If you feel uncomfortable at any point while reading this, I don't apologize because it's honestly difficult for me to talk about this in fear that no one will believe me. I was given a gift in April 2012 and I have no words to express my gratitude or love for our God that he loved me enough to give me this moment. To this day my dad hasn't even been apart of my subconscious. What happened was a one time thing and my faith cannot be shaken with knowing what/who I saw. After that moment, I have been at peace. I miss you daddy. I will always love you and be your little girl! I can't wait to see you again someday! <3

Night before last I found myself in the far depths of my subconscious. I awoke from a world in which my father, who is no longer living, was talking with me about the world of which I find myself in today. He wasn't the father I remembered, who lived in pain and suffering from his years of substance abuse. He was healthy and free of life's burdens. He talked with me about the things happening in my life now; not from the perspective of that he was still with me physically, but that he was watching over me and would always be within me. He told me that everything would be okay, and that the struggles I'm facing now will reside eventually. He said he was proud and that he loved me. I heard his voice and felt his love. He wasn't in pain anymore, he was happy and free. He was the sober Martin everyone remembers. He was the dad I remember from the early days. The two most important things he said to me is that he missed me, and we would be reunited one day. I never wanted to awake from my dream, I heard my alarm and I knew I was asleep. But my dad was encouraging me to let go and wake up, and I knew that if I woke up he would be gone from my sight. I held on as long as I could as I found myself being lifted back to reality. He kept reassuring that he loved me, and told me to go to class like any father would. 

At first I found myself really saddened with this encounter; I had no idea how to process what had been said, but mostly what I had seen. I know dreams are a connecting point between us and God, and that he uses dreams to communicate to us or show us something vital and important. People today mostly disregard dreams because they don't always make sense, or are not relevant to our life in that moment. But this dream was given to me in a moment when I felt entirely alone and helpless in a circumstance beyond my control. I woke up at first not knowing what to do, but now I understand that this had to have been real and that God was revealing comfort and peace to me in a way only I would understand. I believe this was my opportunity to listen and he used my dad to show me how great a father's love is. Not just my earthly father, but my Heavenly father. He was showing me how much both of them really care for me, because love knows no boundaries.

I am full of joyful tears. I am pouring out a waterfall of love and joy and sadness and peace. It is incredibly indescribable. 

But if you were to ask me about what I saw....

I would say I saw my dad. I believe I had a conversation with my dad. And I believe that I also had a conversation with God, because God was in him. Who is better to show a father's love through than my own father?  I know in the end he chose Life, and I realized that I am already His. I will go home. I'm not here to have my faith tested. I'm here to serve and endure and bring others home. I believe my dad got his opportunity to show me his love, and I got my chance to listen and feel it. 

Meet Mia

Hello sweet baby girl of mine. I feel your every movement and your kicks make me smile. There are so many things I can't wait to share with you. I can't wait to give you a life neither I or your dad had. We already love you so much! 

As most little girls, I dreamed of a family. I wanted a husband and children and a house. I actually prayed for this life so much that if I stop and take a breath, I cry. My broken life spurred a dream of perfection. My grandmother gave me the calm guidance to get here. God provided me the path. Ryan gave me the love and life I wanted and dreamed of. God gave me all of these people and opportunities. But tonight I realized that one prayer is answered. It isn't my Prince Charming, although he is everything I never knew I wanted and needed. It isn't my family. It's my baby. She is the one thing I did right, even if she came before we hoped and planned. She is my answered prayer. All I wanted in life was and is to give my children everything I never had. My parents made mistakes yes, but I always knew they loved me. 

My baby is coming to parents who already love her. Her family knows her name and is excited for her arrival. My friends love her already too. She's going to have parents. Both parents. She's my little answered prayer. Today I bought these cute dresses because I needed to envision her. I needed to be excited. It has been hard with Ryan being gone. But now we've both seen her. We're getting ready for you sweet one. We love you! He has felt her kicks now, and I'm growing at rapid speed! I'm halfway there! 

Is it really the end?

I really hope once my husband comes home I can blog about normal things. 
Example:

•  Meals
• Babies (Coming soon in September 2014)
• Marriage
• Any other interesting things I might have time for 

So far, I haven't been able to say I've done much. Although, I did finally take my Christmas tree down, so I would say I've done something this week. 
Week before last I was with my brother in New Mexico, which reminds me I have some really awesome pictures I need to upload! It was really awesome to be able to just hang out with him again. I hadn't seen him in 2 1/2 years, so it was very exciting to be able to hug him again. The worst part is goodbye, which he doesn't really do. He hugs me and says bye and that's it. Short and sweet.

When does my husband come home? Well, this week!!!!!!
But, it could be Wednesday or Thursday; we aren't sure when.
I am ecstatic. 
I'll write later about the homecoming. :)
 

New Mexico so far...

First night alone....

I moved back home today after staying with my grandparents for a few months. I honestly wish I was there tonight. Even though I appreciate the solitude, I really prefer to have someone with me, even if I don't speak with them. It's just nice to know I'm not alone. 

I gave my puppy to their neighbors so now I really am alone in this apartment, all by myself. My friend came over tonight and helped me transition to being alone, which I'm forever grateful for. She really is one of my best friends. I don't know what I would do without her. 

It's almost 1am and I'm scheduled to be at work at 11am. So if I don't have to touch my hair in the morning, theoretically all I would need to do was fix it up a bit and change into proper clothes. Given that my hair still looks decent by the time I wake up. I suppose we shall see. 

I am ecstatic to take some photos of my trip and upload them. I have a lovely duffel bag that is really hard to carry around or I have a rolling bag..... Tomorrow I will commence the packing. 

People don't realize how important it is for me to see my brother. 

One time this woman practically called me out on not letting my husband see his sister, which was not the case at all. She just didn't want to see me and she wanted to deliberately leave me out, which won't fly in this household. I don't care if they go do something together but she just wanted to entirely leave me out. She really hates me right now. I feel bad, sort of. But she is doing it to herself. 

And to be honest, she hasn't seen my husband in 3 months and apparently that's so terrible. 

I haven't seen my brother in over 2 1/2 years! And he's been deployed several times since then. People are too quick to judge. I'm not unreasonable.... I just refuse to be left out, because they've done it before. And the last time, they attempted to talk my husband out of marrying me. I think I have reason to not be okay with this. 

Anyway, I must sleep. 

Ciao