Tribute to Dad

Four years ago, I lost my dad. I struggled for a long time and was deeply depressed over losing him. I was never truly at peace and this loss among others wreaked havoc on my soul. But, I know where he is now, and as a tribute to Father's Day weekend I thought I would share about my last encounter with him. If you feel uncomfortable at any point while reading this, I don't apologize because it's honestly difficult for me to talk about this in fear that no one will believe me. I was given a gift in April 2012 and I have no words to express my gratitude or love for our God that he loved me enough to give me this moment. To this day my dad hasn't even been apart of my subconscious. What happened was a one time thing and my faith cannot be shaken with knowing what/who I saw. After that moment, I have been at peace. I miss you daddy. I will always love you and be your little girl! I can't wait to see you again someday! <3

Night before last I found myself in the far depths of my subconscious. I awoke from a world in which my father, who is no longer living, was talking with me about the world of which I find myself in today. He wasn't the father I remembered, who lived in pain and suffering from his years of substance abuse. He was healthy and free of life's burdens. He talked with me about the things happening in my life now; not from the perspective of that he was still with me physically, but that he was watching over me and would always be within me. He told me that everything would be okay, and that the struggles I'm facing now will reside eventually. He said he was proud and that he loved me. I heard his voice and felt his love. He wasn't in pain anymore, he was happy and free. He was the sober Martin everyone remembers. He was the dad I remember from the early days. The two most important things he said to me is that he missed me, and we would be reunited one day. I never wanted to awake from my dream, I heard my alarm and I knew I was asleep. But my dad was encouraging me to let go and wake up, and I knew that if I woke up he would be gone from my sight. I held on as long as I could as I found myself being lifted back to reality. He kept reassuring that he loved me, and told me to go to class like any father would. 

At first I found myself really saddened with this encounter; I had no idea how to process what had been said, but mostly what I had seen. I know dreams are a connecting point between us and God, and that he uses dreams to communicate to us or show us something vital and important. People today mostly disregard dreams because they don't always make sense, or are not relevant to our life in that moment. But this dream was given to me in a moment when I felt entirely alone and helpless in a circumstance beyond my control. I woke up at first not knowing what to do, but now I understand that this had to have been real and that God was revealing comfort and peace to me in a way only I would understand. I believe this was my opportunity to listen and he used my dad to show me how great a father's love is. Not just my earthly father, but my Heavenly father. He was showing me how much both of them really care for me, because love knows no boundaries.

I am full of joyful tears. I am pouring out a waterfall of love and joy and sadness and peace. It is incredibly indescribable. 

But if you were to ask me about what I saw....

I would say I saw my dad. I believe I had a conversation with my dad. And I believe that I also had a conversation with God, because God was in him. Who is better to show a father's love through than my own father?  I know in the end he chose Life, and I realized that I am already His. I will go home. I'm not here to have my faith tested. I'm here to serve and endure and bring others home. I believe my dad got his opportunity to show me his love, and I got my chance to listen and feel it.